Good Morning! The beauty of nature is beyond comparison. I feel blessed to live in a state that offers so much of the bounteous beauty of nature! I have had to delete many of your posts because the haters™ are really being harsh. Rather than take the Jetta (can’t risk having that sweet™ ride being put in jeopardy, G™ and I took our new “home away from home that is, in reality, about to be our home” for a little shakedown cruise. If their™ is one thing I have learned about all things mechanical, is that they can sometimes be unreliable. What better way to learn the idiosyncrasies of our new abode than by putting it to the test?
We left G’s™ sister (Y™) shortly before sunrise, I think it was about 4 AM, but I am the idea guy™ so I really didn’t look at a clock (why bother? My days are so full that I scarcely have time to complete my myriad of important tasks, so I just charge ahead at full speed!). You will doubtless realize by my lack of moderation that it took slightly longer than I had planned to reach Tahoe. I had envisioned a scenic 3-4 hour drive, but it was well past sunset when we finally made our destination (more on that later). A temporary setback, but I consider it falling forward™. I learned a great deal and took considerable solace from the fact that Einstein was said to have flunked algebra not once but twice! I am blessed™
To put all of your fears to rest, I will give you a breakdown of my expenses:
Gas: In my defense, I should have read the consumer reports tests done in the late 80’s about the gas mileage of minivans. But hey, I was only 9 years old and I was still compiling that vast body of knowledge I would need years later to boost my entrepreneurial efforts™. OK, we averages 11 miles per gallon, at $3.399, so that was $36.98 (2 fill ups), plus an anticipated $55 in overdraft fees (the rent was paid, remember?)
Oil. Hmm. When I bought the “home away from home that is, in reality, about to be our home” ™, I did not really understand that a mini van is powered by a different type of power plant than most automobiles. After about half an hour of driving the “check engine” light came on. Since I knew where the engine was, and that it had not been removed, I continued on. About 20 minutes later the light was still on and I remembered the issue when I took the Bio Bunny™ to New Mexico and Utah and how made Dave got that I smoked his engine.
I pulled over and began to look around. I am not particularly skilled in being an automotive technician, but I didn’t think it smelled right. It kind of smelled like a walk in closet in a fancy house. After a moment, I recalled the aroma: cedar. Hmm I thought that is strange, Carlos, who sold me the car didn’t mention that I used a wood burning propulsion system. So I continued my detailed and methodical™ approach to diagnosing the problem. When I finally located the oil dipstick (I think it was about 2:30) it showed a low oil level. No problem! I had a supply of Marvel Mystery Oil in the pantry (er, back seat). Five quarts later and we were good to go!
Another 45 minutes or so and that pesky light was back on again. This time, building upon my now considerable mechanical skills, I knew exactly what the problem was. In a moment of pure blessedness™, the next had a Jiffy Lube. I told G™ that we should stop their™ and get a professional oil change. After a few minutes, the Jiffy Lube man came out and said that their™ was something very unusual going on with the van. I told him “of course their™ is. Mini vans use a unique power plant that is unlike those found in ordinary vehicles.” No, replied the technician, the crankcase was full of sawdust.
I had to ponder that statement for a moment. Then, using my superior mental powers I had the answer. Not only had I been a visionary™ in selecting a new form of habitation for G™ and myself, I had inadvertently stumbled onto a very “green” mode of transportation. I was blessed™ by having purchased a carbon-neutral, modified-vegan™ mini van! I was immediately brought back to earth (no pun intended) when the tech explained that sawdust is usually put inside an engine to hide problems.
An oil change later ($29.95, plus an anticipated $27.50 ‘service fee’ from the bank) and we were good to go. It was inspirational that I also stopped to buy several one-gallon containers of 80-weight gear oil (per the Jiffy Lube guy’s suggestion). We were off on our panoramic odyssey again!
I found that it was quite spiritual breaking up the trip into 45-50 minute segments. The gear oil seemed to last a good 5-10 miles longer than the Marvel Mystery Oil, and quieted down the engine considerably.
We arrived at Tahoe after dark, and I immediately found a quiet and secluded campsite right off of the road. I went about cutting some wood and building a fire for a romantic theme. Total cost of the trip so far (including, gas, oil and service charges: $221.58 - sweet™!) About an hour after I had set the romantic mood with the campfire, we were interrupted by the sound of a helicopter overhead. My first though was that their™ was some sort of a fugitive lose™. Before I could get into defensive mode, their™ were 8 fire trucks converging on us.
As the men got out of they’re™ trucks, the hurried past us and doused the fire with a stream of water. They were not very friendly and said we were trespassing on US Forest Service land and it was in a no-burn zone and we could be fined $10,000 and placed in jail! Because I possess superior negotiating skills™ I was able to quickly lower the tension level and get along with a warning. I’ll have to make a note™ to contact my congressperson to make sure they use better signage in the future.
Any way, we drove about 100 yards father into the forest and I used the hibachi on the running board to grill a tasty dinner of tri tip ($8.99 + $27.50). I feel content in my assessment of the modified-vegan™ diet by considering that if the cow ate an entirely vegan diet (which they all do, right?) then I am continuing that vegan existence by eating the flesh of only vegan creatures. Viola! Modified-vegan™!
I moderated comments for about an hour, and then meditated™ until mid-morning. More to come later, as I have to contemplate some important core-value issues and catch up on my business communication™. I must never let my network of highly trained professionals™ down. More to come.
